November 101 update!

Achieved:

• have a minimum credit score of 720. 

Woohoo! I am so proud of myself right now. In January, when Kyle was looking for a house, I subscribed to Equifax's credit monitoring program. I pay them a reasonable monthly fee, and they watch my stuff for me. If anything changes notably on my credit report, I get an email notification. 

January 27th, my credit score was 704. I made it a goal to get that up to "Good" rather than "Fair." I am so excited that, in less than eleven months, I've raised my score 20 points! I have better credit than the 20-somethings I've talked to (though admittedly I don't go around asking everyone's credit scores. I have a little more tact than that), and the one thing that is suggested to raise my score is getting a mortgage and diversifying my lines of credit. How cool! This is one of the most exciting goals to cross off my list. 720+ credit score with nearly $80,000 in student loans? Not an easy task.

Now if I could just get it up another 10 points to where it was three years ago before we broke that lease at the worst apartment complex ever... 

But not to overshadow my progress!

• read two books
• paid down my loans
• donated a (very) small amount of rice. 

For the month of November, I planned to: 

• read four more books (halfway done!)
• run one mile without stopping
• get down to 135 lbs.
• write Billie & Wally
• watch one old movie I've never seen
• pare my closet down by five more items. 

I may have only achieved one of the goals I set out to accomplish this month, but I'm still super proud of myself for what I've done. Being able to cross off the credit score goal was HUGE for me. I would like to be a homeowner by 25, and I have made huge strides to get there. 

I didn't write Billie & Wally, which means I need to every month for the remainder of the challenge. I'm disappointed in myself, but I've been so shockingly busy I've headed to bed before 9PM some nights. I'm just exhausted with all the work I've been putting in for my tutoring clients and at my thankless job. I know eventually it will pay off (and it has been, with the amounts I've been able to pay down on my loans), so I'm hanging in there right now.


For December, I will:

• run 1 mile without stopping
• get down to 130 lbs. 
• watch the Aurora Borealis
• read four books

And speaking of bed before 9PM, I'm heading that way now. Sleep sweet!

xo

Brianna's B&B

I was talking tonight to a friend from high school about these crazy Bed & Breakfast plans, and he got all excited! Started asking me about my business plan, if I had anything on paper yet, if I'd taken accounting classes... holy cow. I'm nowhere near that far yet.

I talked to Brittany today at work about ditching her loser live-in boyfriend who is still refusing to commit to her after nine years, and moving up to be my manager. She makes a mean quiche and is a total bedding snob, which quite frankly is more than I can say about myself. I've never even tried my hand at a quiche.

So. I'm one step closer to having a manager of sorts. In the last year, I've raised my credit score 20 points to better my chances of getting a fabulous rate on a loan. I have sketched a rough floor plan - four bedrooms plus my own, and perhaps a guest house to come later. I have a general idea of where I'd like to build.

This weekend, I will look at the course schedule for accounting classes offered this spring. I will research bed and breakfasts in the Sedona / Cottonwood area and gather intel on potential competitors. And I will start putting together a business plan.

Shit's gettin' real, yo. This is serious.


xo

10 more things I'm thankful for.

21. I'm thankful I get to sleep in tomorrow! I don't have to be at work until 9AM. I've worked at 5 or 6 in the morning every other day this week.

22. I'm thankful I had another tutoring client drop into my lap tonight. This middle-school girl has a learning disability and has been struggling in several subjects. Her parents are looking to meet several times per week, as an ongoing thing. I am so lucky to get paid to help people.

23. I am thankful for massages. It's so amazing how one hour can make such a difference! I hold stress in my back and shoulders, and a massage is like a gift from heaven, every time.

24. I am thankful for Costco. Even living alone, and cooking for only myself, Costco makes such a huge difference in my shopping trips. Plus, you can't beat their samples!

25. I am thankful for my Johari window. A year or more ago, a group of my message boards all started Johari windows together, and contributed to each other's windows. Whenever I'm starting to feel down on myself, it immediately lifts my mood to see the words others use to describe me. I am intelligent, and kind, and mature, and giving. And others see that in me.

26. I am thankful for daily deal sites. Without them, I wouldn't have found my yoga studio, discovered some of my favorite places to eat, or experienced some of the new and exciting things around the valley.

27. I am thankful that I had the self-control not to spend more than $20 over the entire Black Friday / Cyber Monday weekend madness. I bought some new panties, since Kyle's rude dog ate mine, and that's it.

28. I know I already said I'm thankful for awesome coworkers, but I'm so ridiculously thankful for coworkers who make me laugh on a daily basis. Coworkers who counsel me, build me up, and remind me that the Jack Daniels man is anatomically correct. They're amazing.

29. I am thankful for love. I am blessed to be around it, to witness it, to see admiration and adoration in the eyes of the countless couples I see every day.

30. Most of all, I'm thankful I am me. I'm thankful for every life experience I've had, every lesson thrown my way, every trial, and every joy. Sometimes I wish I may have handled my cards a little differently, but I am thankful I have been dealt every one of them, because they made me into who I am.


xo!

20 things I'm thankful for

I didn't do the 30 days of thanks thing. Obviously. But I think it's important, so here's the start of my list. I'll finish it in a few days, when I don't have to be at work six hours from the time I'm posting.


1. I am thankful for my family. My parents have provided me with this amazing home and my car, and I only have to pay for maintenance and "extras." It is such a huge burden lifted off my shoulders when I have outrageous student loans!

Small victories.

One of the worst things about living alone is not having someone around to make the bed with me.

First world problems, I know, but I'm serious! I am super fail at bed-making. Kyle is bomb at bed-making. (Must be all that practice in the Marine Corps.) And one of the things that I missed most when he was deployed, and then after he moved out, were his bed-making skills. I would do one corner, he'd do his two, and then he'd come over to finish up the last corner because I could never get it quite right. (And I was always way slower, so he did two to my one.)

Tonight, I made a beautiful bed. My sheets are tight, the corners look perfect, and I did it all on my own.

It took 24 years, but I finally have managed to make a good-lookin' bed. And I must say I'm mighty proud of myself.

xo!

I have lots of dreams.

Before I ever went to college, I had dreams. Lots of them. So many I couldn't decide what I wanted to go to school for, even though I knew it was expected of me. 

I still don't know what I want to do with my life, because I want to do a little of everything! Back a few weeks ago, I mentioned I would like to own a bed & breakfast. I've always loved B&Bs. I think they're super cozy, plus it would be a blast to meet so many new people all the time. 

So last Friday, I started drafting a floor plan for said bed & breakfast. I'm thinking somewhere in Sedona or Cottonwood. Four bedrooms, plus possibly a guest house suite type of thing for extended stays. 

Except, since I'm a dreamer, I can't just imagine my floor plan. I imagine where the fireplace is going to go in my bedroom. And how, since the layout of a walk-in closet just doesn't fit with the idea I have for my room, it will be a separate room spanning the length of the wall, with little secret doors on either side of the bed. And how I'm going to have a huge wall of shelving in the downstairs laundry room where all my sheet sets will be perfectly folded and stored inside their matching pillow cases. 

I also imagine that, since I am super classy and all the uppity wine snobs will want to stay at my B&B, I'll have a wine cellar. Perhaps I'll invest in some spectacular bottles and have a "wine list" for guests. Wouldn't that be nifty? Make it something you couldn't just run down to the grocery store to get, and, since it's so far out of the Phoenix bowl, people will be willing to pay a premium. 

I told you I'm a dreamer. But if looking forward to owning my own home that makes me a ton of money is what keeps me together when I'm working 70-hour weeks, so be it! 

What are some of your dreams? 

xo

Sometimes I'm a bitch.

Especially when I'm hungry. I was reminded of this a few days ago by the person who has probably seen me the bitchiest when I've been hungry. So I just wanted to say...

Now would probably also be an appropriate time to talk about how much I love SomeEcards. I'm spending this, my only day off this week, perusing their selection of highly entertaining tidbits and thinking how many I could send to one person before it gets irritating.

I also determined today that women on their periods (namely me) shouldn't go grocery shopping unattended. I know that's something I have a problem with usually anyway, but today I walked away with three tri-tip roasts, when I have never in my life used a grill. I also purchased three things of ice cream and two packages of cookies. Super fail.

I'm in the process of compiling a playlist for Kyle's and my roadtrip to Sedona (or somewhere else up north) in two weeks. Feel free to chime in if you have any suggestions! Love songs, country, oldies, some (very little) rock, Bloodhound Gang... What are your roadtrip staples?

365 questions: 236 - 250

236. What was your last major accomplishment?  I surprised someone who I can't easily surprise. I'd say that's probably an accomplishment. 

237. Through all of life’s twists and turns who has been there for you?  My best friend ever, Erika Gail. 

238. What or who has been distracting you?  Exhaustion. Feelings of being overwhelmed. And Kyle Robert. 

239. What are you looking forward to in the upcoming week?  Saturday night! I get off work relatively early and my puppy is coming over. 

240. Who is your mentor and what have you learned from them?  Yikes. My mentor? I don't really have one anymore. In high school, I would have said Mr. Brown. And everything I've learned from him truly can't be put into words. 

241. What are you uncertain about?  Money. School. Relationships. 

242. What do you think about when you lie awake in bed?  Someone who is turning my life upside-down. 

243. What’s something most people don’t know about you?  My shopping addiction knows no bounds. If I'm lingerie shopping, I have no control. If I'm grocery shopping, I probably need a babysitter there, too. 

244. When you have a random hour of free time, what do you usually do?  Read!

245. What makes you weird?  Haha lots of things. I love pickled beets. The only milk in my fridge is coconut milk. I live alone and yet my pantry is stuffed to the gills. I have a very Type-A personality. 

246. If you could relive yesterday what would you do differently?  Nothing, really. I had a pretty productive "morning," and then put in a 12-hour day at work. 

247. What do you do over and over again that you hate doing?  Cleaning the house. I am not naturally a clean person. 

248. Would you rather your child be less attractive and extremely intelligent or extremely attractive and less intelligent?  More intelligent. I'd much rather be remembered for the impact I had on other people because of the wise things I said or the scientific discoveries I made rather than being an unusual beauty. 

249. What white lies do you often tell?  "Sorry I'm late." 

250. What is the biggest change you have made in your life in the last year?  Oh goodness. I've made a ton of changes. I think overall, I've just become a much more responsible person. I've done a lot of introspection and realized that some of the things I've done were perhaps not the best options. I've matured quite a bit. 

Your color personality

I came across this awesome chart today on one of the blog I follow. Make sure you check out the link at the bottom for the real chart. (This one is missing my favorite blue.)

My wedding colors were going to be dark green and light pink. I tend to wear greens and blues most often. And my home is decorated in earth tones. Interesting! I love how the two colors I would never choose for anything (poppy and red) definitely don't apply. Party person? Not me. Pessimistic? No way. And knowing what I want? I wish!

On the other hand, I love all the greens, pool (not shown here - click the link at the bottom!), night (probably the color I wear most often), and blossom. They're all totally me!

Check out Rae at The Color Issue for more, similar goodies!

Get your own chart from Paper Source here.

Reflecting on a failed relationship

This was something I had initially written back in January, and then forgot about. Oops!

---


I came across a blog entry today. A photographer and Marine wife in St. Louis completed a photo project last month depicting a grieving widow. I'm fairly confident this was a creative project she embarked on, though that's not specifically mentioned. 

It came on the same day that I had been talking to one of my recently-single lady friends about breakups in general, the grieving process, and getting back to "normal." On my favorite forum, there's a group of us "single ladies," so you might notice the language of the last sentence isn't specifically addressed to one person.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of reflecting today. On everything - but mostly the good and the lessons. And I wanted to share it with you.

This is my comment to Rachel earlier:

Just know this is all a part of the normal grieving process. Don't beat yourself up over being upset, or thinking about him, or wishing he would call. 

I was so heart-broken after my breakup that I slept on the couch for days, because I couldn't bring myself to sleep in the bed that we had shared. I screamed. I cried. I went to a counselor. I turned assignments for school into a way to talk about my breakup. (My final for one of my classes was seriously a 14-page paper on our relationship.) I read books on how to save a failing marriage, or how to improve a relationship. I journaled. I blogged. 

I also baked a lot more. I traveled more. I spent time with friends that I never would have, had we been together. I spent money on whatever I wanted, without having to fear a negative reaction if he didn't feel it was a wise purchase. 

There is no right or wrong way to heal. Do whatever it is you need to do to come to terms with things, as long as that doesn't involve seeing him (for right now). Do embarrassing things. Do empowering things. Chop all your hair off. Go skydiving. Write him nasty letters, and don't send them. Read It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken. 

Breakups suck. You'll have good days and bad days, and we'll be there for all of them.

 During the relationship:

• I learned how to communicate so much better. Sure, I might have placed in State for debate in high school, but I had no idea how to communicate in a healthy way in a relationship. 
• I learned the importance of expressing love often. When Kyle was deployed, I realized that I had previously taken a lot of things for granted. Our communication style changed in a lot of ways, and this was one of them. We were both more affectionate and verbally appreciative of the other. 
• I learned about myself. What I could and couldn't put up with in a relationship. I learned what I was able to live with, even if I wasn't particularly fond of [the habit, behavior, whatever]. 
• I learned to pick my battles. Buying sex toys for other women? Worth bringing up. He left his clothes on the living room floor, or turned down the A/C to 64 degrees and then left the house all day? Not a big deal in the long run. 

After the break-up:

• I spent more time in the kitchen. In the final months of us living together, we fought so much about how he didn't feel I ever really cooked dinner. (Though he certainly asked for plenty of my recipes after he moved out!) The strife surrounding cooking in general led me to not really want to spend time slaving away over the stove. Having that strife behind me has definitely allowed me to experiment a lot more, and now I have my wonderful food blog! (And he's the guy behind the nickname that prompted my blog title.)
• I traveled more often. I spent time in California with my friends and grandparents for the first time since I/we moved down here. We had talked a few times about going out to meet my grandparents, but in over two and a half years, we hadn't made it happen. I was free now to up and leave whenever I wanted, and I did so on several occasions. I also traveled to Europe this summer. We had chatted about travel often, but never made it past a day-trip to Sedona, a few days in DC, and a Marine Corps-funded weekend conference in Nashville. 
• I met some new, amazing people! One of my best friends this past year is a woman I probably never would have met if Kyle and I had stayed together even one more day. The day after I ended things, he came to collect all his crap from the garage. I had previously put us on the guest list for a VIP event at my favorite wine bar that same night. I ended up going alone, and met the most wonderful couple while I was standing in line waiting for food. We sat together, chatted all night, and they have truly been lifesavers for me in the short time I've known them. They opened their home when I was displaced in April. They introduced me to a new source of income. And they have been loving and supportive in more ways than I can count. I can't express how thankful I am to have them in my life - something that probably would not be the case if timing had been different. 
• I learned that it wasn't so bad after-all. In the moment, I focused on the arguments. Sometimes I'd make a point to note the really good times. If we had a good day, or if he was being extra sweet, I'd let him know I appreciated it. But more often than not, the bad times set the tone for our communication. Then initially after the break-up, I had these ridiculous manic "but things were so amazing! Look at what a good time we had!" moments, swinging back down to "what a douchebag. I hate his guts and can't believe we dated past a year." Now, I'm able to look back and see that there were certainly negatives. But there were really sweet moments, too. And not just vacations, or dates, or what-have-you. We shared a car, and he arranged his work schedule so he could pick me up from school and take me to work. He would always bring me a snack of some kind, or dinner to eat at work. I remember one time we had been fighting, and he was apparently doing his best to give me the silent treatment. He still made me a pb&j sandwich. 

I've learned a lot from dating since Kyle, too - some things that make me realize I deserve so much more than I had, some things that made me appreciate little things he did, and some things that have made me realize I wasn't totally innocent either. 

---

All in all, I'm glad I've had the last nearly-a-year to move forward. I still would hesitate to say that we're friends, but we get along much better than we did in the last few months of our relationship. We still are able to communicate so well. We have better communication than I've had with anyone I've dated in the last year. 

I guess all that was to say that I can finally admit I don't regret our relationship. I wouldn't take it back. If I had to go back five years, I would still make the same decision. It helped shape me into who I am today. I learned so much about myself, about how to interact in future relationships, and about... life, really. I experienced so many new things because of him, and I value the time we spent together. 

So when you're heartbroken and mourning a love lost, realize that not only will you pull through, not only will you be stronger in the end, but you will be able to look back and glean lessons. Maybe not right away. Maybe not even a year later. But some day you will be able to look back fondly and recognize that you wouldn't be who you are today without those particular experiences - for better or for worse. 

xoxo!

Dear Piperlime,

Stop tempting me, you harlot!

I already ordered a new purse from you yesterday. I don't need to be constantly reminded of your "Sweet deals," or how I can "Save on [my] faves." I love you already! The ad underneath EVERY SINGLE QUESTION I've answered on FreeRice tonight is a little overkill.


In other news, the enormous mess that is ASU still is totally swamped with the 300,000 other students trying to reset their passwords, and I haven't been able to get on in over two days. At first it wasn't a huge deal. Now it's starting to become an enormous pain in the ass. I would like to be able to access syllabi. I would like to know what homeworks are due when. I would like to be able to turn in homework that was due over the last week.

But no. Instead I sit here with an angry "high request volume" error message, unable to access Blackboard or check my email. You would think a school - particularly the largest school in the nation whose number one goal is not scholarship, but is apparently to recruit more students - would better protect supposedly "secure" information.

I hate the politics surrounding ASU. Rather than launching on a tirade about how instead of starting a petition to pay them more money, I should be chalking up this incident as yet another on their shitlist.

But alas, I still have another year here. And since I only got three hours of sleep last night between staying up in an attempt to get back into the ASURITE system and boot camp this morning, it's time for me to pass out. Maybe I'll dream sweet, sweet dreams about how Michael Crow's income is slashed by 90%. Or maybe dreams of how I, too, can be compensated upwards of $800K annually to poorly manage a university.

May all your camels be fertile, and may ASU be blessed with a competent president.

I fixed that shit.

Maybe it's just my house, but it seems like it goes through phases where everything goes wrong - the shower leaks. The dishwasher drainage line is clogged. The heating unit is acting funny. Every light in the house is dead. The fridge is dripping. You know the drill.

Well this week was one of those weeks. The shower wouldn't turn off. When you'd finally think you had it, it would drip all day. The shower drain was clogged, because I have so much hair. And the dishwasher had standing water in the bottom of it. Fantastic, right? Just what I wanted to deal with the first week of school.

Thursday afternoon I'd had enough of the dishes piling up on my counter, so I fixed that shit. I'm still impressed with myself.

In other news, Kyle came over Thursday to pick up copies of the paperwork from/involving our old apartment that is currently in collections (because we broke the lease legally and just haven't gotten around to taking them to court). Things went smoothly and I'm really glad. I think it was good (at least for me) to have some mostly-positive interaction with him, and leave the negative feelings behind.

I went to the Olive Mill today, and it was the first day of their Spring First Press Festival! (Or whatever they called it. Something like that.) Free wine tasting, live band, private press olive oil tasting, and a vendor table set up that was tasting bbq sauces (holy cow, yum!) and wine jellies/jams. It was pretty wonderful! I also walked out spending exactly what I had planned on when I walked in, which was pretty pleasing.

I'm having breakfast with friends in the morning, so I should probably start heading to bed pretty soon. Sorry for the lack of updates lately! I have been busy with school shenanigans and homework. I'll try to show my face a little more often, though. Ciao!!

Happy New Year! I chopped off all my hair.

What better way to signify a year of change than to make a big change to one of the ways I identify myself? I am a redhead and always will be, until the old and grey days. But since the day I chopped all my hair off for donation in 6th grade, I have rarely done more than just trimmed it.

New year, new 'do!

Before:

And after!!:

The shortest layers are about 4 - 6" off, and the long ones are 10" shorter than before. I love it! 

This is a year of change, of goal completion, and of fitness! I am starting a 5-day juice cleanse today, just made a phone call to ASU to audition for some music classes, and kicked this year off exponentially better than last year. I'm excited to see what 2012 brings! 

My New Year's Resolutions

If I don't make a list of 'em, I know I won't actually complete them. I love lists. I love order. And I love things that make sense.

With that, I resolve to accomplish the following five things from my 101 list:

• Complete a half-marathon.
• Complete a 5-day juice cleanse. (I will be starting January 2nd)
• Achieve my goal weight (125 lbs.) and maintain it to the end of the year.
• Acquire 75 customer points.
• Write to Billie and Wally once per month.

And things that are not on my 101 list:

• I resolve to fit in my new turquoise Banana Republic dress by Mark's brother's wedding in February. 
• I resolve to make more of an effort to keep a spotless house. 
• I resolve to go 30 days with no alcohol. 
• I resolve to apply 100% of myself to my schoolwork. 
• I resolve to keep a journal of thanks, updated daily. 

We'll see how things go! I think I'm going to try to make a thanksgiving journal with Mom when I'm home, or go out together and see what I can find. That's one of the things I'm most looking forward to. 

I still have to pack tonight, since I work fairly early tomorrow, so I am outta here. Ciao! And since you won't see me until Christmas Day at the earliest, Happy Holidays!! 

Women and media

A friend of mine posted this video on Facebook earlier today, and I'm actually really looking forward to the film now. It looks like another take on the "women are hypersexualized in media, the portrayal of women is unrealistic, etc." topic that has been around for ages. But they also interview several women in powerful roles. I think that part will be the most interesting, actually.

Women hold only 3% of high-ranking positions in the media and entertainment industries, yet they are 51% of the US population. An equal number of male and female 7-year-olds aspire to be president, and yet only 17% of Congress is female.

I attended a seminar on campus last semester on women and body image. It focused on portrayals of the female body in media, and how society is bombarded by images of something unrealistic and made to think it is the norm. Even if people don't think they are affected, many men idealize the body type they see in magazines, and most women aspire to look like that. A size 4 is no longer modeling material. Celebrities can afford to maintain that body type because they are paid to. Normal women starve themselves, or purge, or exercise for several hours a day, just to achieve what they have been told is ideal.

This is a really sensitive subject for me as well. Not only am I really struggling with my weight and the way I look right now, but I have been in recovery from an eating / compulsive exercise disorder for several years now. Some days, I still struggle. Particularly when I first came home from Europe, I kept food journals so I could keep myself accountable and know I was not eating too little and exercising too much. I was so unhappy with the way I looked (and still am some days) that I found myself skipping meals without even thinking about it.

Anyway. Media and body perception. Even men are affected. The woman who presented on campus in March mentioned something her husband had said offhandedly unintentionally idealizing the "skinny mini" image. And it reminds me of February of this year. I was the thinnest I've ever been - sub 120. I haven't seen that number on the scale since I was 13, probably. (I was 127 at my thinnest in high school, at age 14.) I had seen an awesome deal on designer skinny jeans. I usually wear a 26, and these were a 25. They were also about 80% off, so I figured I'd buy them, try them, and if they didn't fit, I could still probably sell them and make a profit.

I'd lost weight since I bought them, so I figured I'd try them on and see how they fit. I think I was getting ready for date night, because Kyle was over. Well they didn't fit quite as well as I had hoped. Kyle thought it would be funny to try to pull them up as far as they would go so I could button them. It took him lifting me up off the floor by my belt loops, but I finally got 'em on and comfy. They still were obviously a little small, though, and not super flattering. Kyle made a comment about how fat I was, because I had love-handles. Let's be clear - I was far from a heifer. You could see my hip bones and ribs. At the time, I was wearing a size 0 pants. I shouldn't have been fat by anyone's standards. (I can't actually say that the media influenced Kyle's perception of my weight. It was most likely him just being an ass. Still, it boggles my mind that people actually think that way, and would vocalize thoughts like that.)

All that to say, Miss Representation. No idea when it's coming out, but check out the trailer. I think it looks pretty good.