365 questions: 161 - 175

161. If today was the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?  I just finished up Christmas dinner with the family, and I'm about to head downstairs to watch a movie with Mom. So sure, I guess. I've gotten to spend some awesome quality time with my mama today. 

162. If today was the last day of your life, who would you call and what would you tell them?  I'd call Prince Charming, thank him again for being so amazing, and say the L-word (for real, this time).  And if I was away from home, I'd call my mama and tell her I love her. 

163. Who do you dream about? Sadly, I almost never remember my dreams.  

164. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind?  The future. I am mildly terrified of being forced into the adult world. 

165. What are you looking forward to?  New Year's Eve and my parents' anniversary. New Years' Day and seeing Prince Charming again. <3 And in the not-so-near future, graduation!! 

166. What is the number one thing you want to accomplish before you die?  Visit all seven continents. It's my life goal. 

167. When is love a weakness?  When it holds you back from anything, or stops you from accomplishing your goals. 

168. What has been the most terrifying moment of your life thus far?  Probably having The Conversation with Prince Charming. I've never opened myself up for failure and rejection the way I did that night, and I was absolutely petrified. 

169. Who is the strongest person you know?  Probably Kris. She is a warrior. She has triumphed through emotional and physical pain and come out on top. She truly is an inspiration to me. 

170. If you could take a single photograph of your life, what would it look like?  It would be bright and smiley. It might be a snapshot of my hike with Prince Charming a few weeks back, when we stopped for lunch. The weather was perfect, and we were stretched out on our backs seeing what we could make of the rock formations around us. 

171. Is the reward worth the risk?  Depends on the situation. If it's something you're passionate about, almost always. 

172. For you personally, what makes today worth living?  It's Christmas! I spent some wonderful time with family, read sweet things from Prince Charming, and snuggled with the puppies. 

173. What have you done in the last year that makes you proud?  Stuck up for myself. Left an awful and toxic relationship. 

174. What did you learn recently that changed the way you live?  I learned good-paying jobs are hard to come by. I was shown how important residual income truly is. And I learned how wonderful apathy can be. 

175. What is your fondest memory from the past three years?  I think the fondest and most terrifying might be the same. The night of The Conversation, and Mark's reaction. He couldn't have been more perfect and I want to smile and cry every time I think about it.  

My New Year's Resolutions

If I don't make a list of 'em, I know I won't actually complete them. I love lists. I love order. And I love things that make sense.

With that, I resolve to accomplish the following five things from my 101 list:

• Complete a half-marathon.
• Complete a 5-day juice cleanse. (I will be starting January 2nd)
• Achieve my goal weight (125 lbs.) and maintain it to the end of the year.
• Acquire 75 customer points.
• Write to Billie and Wally once per month.

And things that are not on my 101 list:

• I resolve to fit in my new turquoise Banana Republic dress by Mark's brother's wedding in February. 
• I resolve to make more of an effort to keep a spotless house. 
• I resolve to go 30 days with no alcohol. 
• I resolve to apply 100% of myself to my schoolwork. 
• I resolve to keep a journal of thanks, updated daily. 

We'll see how things go! I think I'm going to try to make a thanksgiving journal with Mom when I'm home, or go out together and see what I can find. That's one of the things I'm most looking forward to. 

I still have to pack tonight, since I work fairly early tomorrow, so I am outta here. Ciao! And since you won't see me until Christmas Day at the earliest, Happy Holidays!! 

Lots to catch up on!

Yikes; it's been a while!

Prince Charming and I went over to Kris and Dave's for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a wonderful night with wonderful friends. We had some delicious wine, and slow danced around the living room after dinner.

He and I also both had the day off last Sunday, so we went out east and hiked Peralta! I had left my camera at his house and my phone in the car, so we are completely photo-less. But we had a blast! We hiked for about five and a half hours, went back and got some steaks and wine, grilled at the house, and watched a movie on the couch.

He helped me clean the puke car on Wednesday night after he got off work. We walked down to Kiwanis Park Thursday morning after breakfast and fed the ducks. (The blind one isn't there anymore, and we saw one who had a fishing hook stuck in his mouth. :( I hate irresponsible people.)

Thursday night, I went to the Champagne & Sparkling class at my favorite wine store. I fell in love with two new wines and left a little gift hidden for a special someone there to find this weekend.

Then this weekend, I spent in San Diego at a rockin' business conference! I got some amazing training from John Maxwell, who started off his talk by saying, "Hi. My name is John, and I am your friend." I heard from some amazing, inspirational people and I am so glad I went. I met up with Sam on Saturday night for a glass of wine and some girl talk. I got to share her second round of legal drinks. <3

Finn and I went out to lunch today at Pita Jungle. I can't believe I've never been there! Holy delicious. We had a selection of tapas off their happy hour menu - none of which were more than $2. New favorite place.

Today is the mailing deadline for my cookie exchange, and I got my first dozen in the mail today! I am not proud to admit that I didn't share any, and I have none left. Definitely need to run a few miles this week - particularly because I've been contacted about three upcoming shoots in the last three days. I've already gained a bit of weight. I can't afford to gain much more.

I submitted my last programming assignment of the semester tonight! I can't believe that in only eight days, I will be done with this semester. I can't wait! I have been so exhausted and overwhelmed lately with everything I have going on, and am so ready to have some time to relax, and to do things for me.

I've been invited to speak on a conference call tonight by someone I have the utmost respect for, so I should probably head off. I apologize for the lack of updates! Hopefully you'll see a little more of my smiling face around here soon. :)

Ciao!

Can't sleep.

I'm sure I probably could if I actually headed to bed, but for some reason I can't actually motivate myself to do that right now. So here I am instead.

I feel like I'm going through some sort of ridiculous crisis. And by that, I mean I have found myself craving a new tattoo out of nowhere. Or a piercing. Or a trip. And the hilarious alternative - a cigarette. Yes, apparently that is in the same league as inking myself. At least in my head right now, anyway.

My house is such a mess right now. I feel like my life is a mess right now, too. And to keep me feeling overwhelmed, I have a test pop up every once in a while. Like this super awesome P-Chem test tomorrow afternoon. Spectacular, right? I would love just one week where I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. This upcoming weekend was supposed to be spent in Tulsa, but Andy is working so it wouldn't make sense to fly me out there. That probably would have been the perfect little getaway. Oh well.

I had 30 things on my to-do list this week. It's Thursday, and I've completed 8 1/2 of them. That's ridiculous. I don't even know what I'm doing with my time that I have so little left to work on my to-do list.

I'm just so discouraged, I guess. I want it to be this summer again. I want to be in Europe, completely carefree. I feel like I'm never going to be an "adult." And I feel like, even if I was out in the real world, I would hardly know what to do with myself. I'm so tired of having my entire life revolve around school, but I don't know anything else.

I'm not even accomplishing much on my 101 list. I have donated a ton of rice this month, yes, but so many of the goals require either time or money - neither of which I have a whole lot of right now. And yes, writing that down did just motivate me to do something about that, since that's exactly the line I've used. But that doesn't make things any less frustrating right now. And even that venture is frustrating sometimes. I know it's my own fault, numbers and all that, but it's hard not to get discouraged sometimes. One of my goals was to make five phone calls this week, and I still plan on it. I think I'll carve out some time tomorrow evening after I get home from my test.

I was daydreaming earlier today, and I dreamt that I went "camping" with Josh & Miranda at the same spot a group of us went in January, and that I had an awesome, huge silver truck. Guess what won't be happening any time soon. And that's almost frustrating, too. Not that I won't have a gas-guzzler, but that I have three friends here that I would call up to go camping. And two of them probably wouldn't do it to avoid the drama that would probably ensue.

I need a shower, and then some sleep. Pouting never does me any good. Ciao!

Crazy work-out day!

Well, not crazy. But more exercise than I've gotten recently. 

I got up at 5 this morning and went for a 4-mile walk. Then I headed straight to hot yoga for some awesome time with Marco. 

Went home, took a shower, and headed up to Scottsdale for some training. Came home, did some stretching, and now I'm off to (not) taste some wine, and then going to Kris's for dinner!

Hopefully my headache will go away soon. :( 

I rock!

I am awesome!! It's not even 11AM and I have already crossed five things off my to-do list for the weekend. Living room is vacuumed. Kitchen is cleaned. Birdcage is cleaned and vacuumed out. I put two more textbooks on Amazon, got on the pest control list for next week (the dogs tracked some bugs inside when I was watching them. I haven't seen any since but don't want to take any chances either), and called Alaska Air. They're closed on the weekends, though, so I wasn't able to get anything resolved. 

I think I'm going to go for a run and then head out to take care of another four things off the list! Woohoo! Today is so productive. Bummer that I'm not in NC, but I'm finally getting things done around the house, too.  

Sad day.

I'm pretty bummed out that I'm not in Charlotte right now. Alaska wasn't able to find any flights (I called three times today) to get me out this afternoon after their screw-up, so I guess I'm staying in town for the holiday weekend. I was really looking forward both to this training event, and to seeing Mike & Jacey again. Not much I can do, though. I will make this a productive weekend! And I scheduled a PBR with Jacey for a few days out, so at least I have a little forward momentum. 

We had an amazing lightning show tonight. I noticed it first around 8:15/8:30ish when I walked to the gym. It continued for almost another three hours - lighting up the sky and hearing the amazing thunder follow. I love Arizona monsoon season. 

Our first O-Chem test was today. I don't think I rocked it, but I don't think I did too poorly either. I guess we'll see when I get my graded test back! I plan on implementing a regular study routine, which I haven't done yet. As soon as this weekend is over, I think it's game on. 

I was talking to Sam today, and I think I'm going to do the three-week intro to Crossfit deal. It probably won't happen until after I make my final tuition payment next month, but I'm excited! I have noticed myself getting thinner, but my arms could certainly use some tone. 

I think I'm going to head to bed. I made myself a super long to-do list since I'm not in NC this weekend. I need to get an early start tomorrow! 

Ciao!

Well crap.

My reservation went wrong, so it looks like I might not end up in North Carolina as expected this weekend. Cross your fingers that I can get something figured out with Alaska tomorrow, or that Delta/American will open up some extra mileage partner seats! I have really been looking forward to this trip and training, and I need it right now.

In other news, StudentUniverse is having their back to school giveaway again! It just started today. This week's drawing is for a #500 cash prize! Enter here to win. 

My arms are still surprisingly sore from Tuesday's Crossfit class. I guess I shouldn't be terribly surprised since I haven't done arm weights in more than 8 years, I don't think. And I didn't really stretch at all afterward, even though I know I should have. 

I can feel my abs coming back. It might be a while before I actually see them, but they're in there! I still can't button my pants (ugh!), but I am seeing a difference in my body overall. Here's to hoping it won't take much longer!

I caught up on the FOV blog today, and there was a post of Stephanie's that really had me tearing up. One of Brannan's, too. And the title of Brittany's latest post over on the side. That's one thing that can always get me emotional, even when life seems peachy. The women there have blessed me more than I know how to describe - even though most of them, I've never talked to. Their writing is so heartfelt - their emotions come through clearly, and they are so easy to relate to I feel sometimes like I'm in their shoes, and other times I feel myself thinking of a similar situation I've experienced. Stephanie posted the lyrics to "My Immortal" earlier, and actually reading them instead of just singing along when the song comes on the radio was sobering. They had me in tears. 

I'm back in the angry stage again. I feel like this should have been over long ago. Brannan talked about all the different ways she got through it... and almost none of them will work for me, or are available to me. Sometimes the more I read, the more guilty I feel, and then the more upset and angry I get, too. What a nasty, vicious cycle. 

Blech. I have an O-Chem test tomorrow that I should probably spend a little time studying for before bed. And now that I'm in a bummer mood, I probably should just stop talking. No one wants to hear me whine. 

Off to study. Ciao!

Honey; I'm home!!

I got back in town Monday morning around 4 o'clock. What an amazing two weeks, and a total whirlwind! I had such a wonderful time in Alaska, catching up with family and friends. Then Thursday, Mike, Jacey, and Josh piled in the car, picked me up at the airport, and we headed off to Walnut Creek again! The ACN International event started in San Jose on Friday and lasted through the weekend.

What an inspirational, uplifting, and motivational time! And not all of it was part of the leadership. I was in bed Saturday night, and Josh asked from across the room - "What is holding you back from reaching your full potential?"

Wow. It's like I told him the next morning - that was probably the most unintentionally motivational question anyone has ever asked me. I answered him when he asked, and then thought about the question for probably another fifteen minutes before responding thoroughly. What really struck me about that, perhaps even more than his question, is that in 36 hours, Josh saw in me something that I didn't see in myself. He believes I can move mountains. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. That realization was powerful for me.

And now this week has been a tornado of sorts, too! Got back Monday, obviously. Tuesday, went to my Ballet Aerobics class in the morning, and then stopped by the office since Tami wanted to see me. Was given the option of being terminated or resigning, since my Europe vacation is "too disruptive" now that Tami knows she wasn't the first one to be told about my travel plans. Curious that she was willing to hold my job for the entire summer when I was going to visit family, but now that I'm going to Europe with a man, she wants to replace me. Oh well! Then I did my first hot yoga class Tuesday night. Love it! Wednesday, my birthday coupons expired, so I got my free flatbread from Boston's and some $0.65 nutella crepes from IHOP. Thursday, I spent two miles on the treadmill, and I did leg weights for the first time since 2003. We'll see what today has in store! Probably some more hot yoga, some more ballerobica, and perhaps some more time on the treadmill.

In other news, I called the project manager for the house today to see what the deal is with the flooring, since the cabinets were installed on Monday. I had hoped the flooring would be completed tomorrow, so I could move in on Saturday. No such luck, though. Apparently the linoleum we chose is special-order only and will take two weeks to come in, so we have to choose something else. And they don't want to do the carpet in one go and come back for the linoleum, because the flooring contractor would charge extra. So instead of being able to get my bedroom ready this Saturday as I was hoping, I'll have to wait until I'm home from San Diego next weekend. Eight days to move into my home, unpack all my boxes, get settled, pack for Europe, and head out again!! Thankfully Kris and Tony have both offered to help, because I have a feeling I'll be a little overwhelmed doing everything myself.

Life is one big adventure! I love that I can smile at whatever life tosses my way, and know that I'll make do, no matter what.

Live a life of permanent purpose.