Saturday, August 4, 2012

"Do you love me?"

That song is stuck in my head. You know the one - from Fiddler On The Roof. Tevya (or however you spell his name) is singing to his wife, asking that question. Her response? "I suppose I do," after listing everything she has done for him throughout their marriage.

I have been reading the Anita Blake series lately. If you've been watching my reading list, it's more than obvious. I've been going through those books like they are water. Reading #11 tonight, the protagonist is talking about her love situation, and two different guys are doing some psychoanalysis crap. And reading through it, I was suddenly reminded of myself.

Not that I've found The Perfect Man and have been holding back, or anything. That's far from the case. But the whole thing - dating a few guys at the same time, having super complicated feelings for someone who is in and out of her life - aside from the fact that her main squeezes are vampires and werewolves/wereanimals, it gave me pause.

Today is August 4th. It was supposed to be my wedding day. Nothing in the last two years has gone quite according to plan, and I've grown and changed immensely as a result. Some ways for the better. Some ways still surprise me sometimes. But today, I wish I would have been singing the closing line of that song. "I suppose I love you too."

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