Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Skipping class and taking names.

Yep, I'm doing it again. Only this time, it's a stupid Genetics recitation, so it has virtually zero negative consequences.

Picture challenge! I'll update with the first three days, since that's how far I'm in right now.

A picture of yourself with ten facts

1. I am a natural redhead!
2. I haven't gotten a haircut in over a year.
3. I LOVE to cook.
4. I am a total math nerd.
5. I have taken German since 7th grade.
6. I've only been pulled over once. It was for expired registration in a borrowed car. I've never even gotten a speeding ticket!
7. I also hate mayo. 
8. I am so proud of myself for getting to the weight I am now! Scale this morning said 123.0 - less than I've weighed in 8+ years.
9. I'm in my 6th year of college and still have at least one more left. 
10. I used to be a pretty negative person, but I am making a conscious effort to see the positive in everything!

A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

My best friend Erika and I. This picture is from April 2007, when I was 35 lbs. heavier. 

We've been friends since 2nd grade. 

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

I LOVE House!! 


I'm still waiting for today's challenge, but I'm really enjoying it so far!!

There's an update on the Kyle situation (sorta) on the PTSD blog. And by update, I mean right now it's just an update on the dinner date dealio. Right now, he's sleeping in my bed after ralphing into my bathroom trash can all night. 

And this belongs on the PTSD side of things, but he called yesterday to make an appointment with the Southeast Health Care Clinic in Mesa. They called him back this morning, and they don't have an opening with a psychiatrist until June! So he has an appointment for June 14th. UGH. 

Oh well! I'm glad he made the call, and I'm glad I was here to hear it. It really seems like there are positive changes being made... or at least that he's on the right track to making some changes. 

Anyway, all that to say he took me out to dinner last night again! We were supposed to hit The Melting Pot for their double date night with Jay and Gloria (who got married last Friday, don't know if I mentioned that), and maybe Josh as well. Half an hour before our reservation, Jay called Kyle and said they had gotten in a fight and wouldn't be coming. I had already gotten cute and straightened my hair, so I still wanted a date! We ended up going to La Bocca (fave!), and it was BOGO pizza night! So we got a pitcher of white sangria, some bruschetta, and each of us got a garden pizza with some substitutions. I LOVE that place! I am never disappointed. And Kyle didn't even complain, and I think he enjoyed it, too! (He's really not big on pretentious places, and La Bocca is a wine bar... it definitely qualifies.) 

I should probably start studying for my terrible TCL (Race, Medicine, & the Body) midterm tonight, so TTFN!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

California Dreamin'!

I'm sitting here in Genetics, not feeling much like paying attention. So I'll finally update with California pictures!!

I got in Thursday evening after getting lost for an hour or so in Palm Desert. I had ended up leaving a little later than planned (around 2PM. I had to mail a dress I sold to Sarah, and did dishes so they wouldn't be sitting without me for a few days), then stopped to pick up the GPS from Kyle at work, and headed out. There was a little construction on the 10 heading out of the Valley, and traffic was down to one lane. There was a little more construction somewhere out in the middle of nowhere as well, where traffic was down to 35MPH and one lane. Bummer deal. Especially when you're stuck behind some huge tractor-trailers who are going even slower.

I had pulled up directions from Google Maps on my laptop before I left, and took that with me as my trusty co-pilot. They had me getting off the 10 and heading to the 111 somewhere past Indio, and so I did. The GPS started yelling at me to turn around and get back on the 10, but I thought I knew best, of course. Google maps had never led me wrong... until then. I spent an hour trying to find the tiny "highway" that would have put me on my way to Oceanside, with no luck. After stopping and asking some poor woman what town I was in, I called Mike for directions from there. He told me to go back to the 10, and that I was still probably three and a half hours out. Huge moment of panic ensued. I had already been in the car for four hours at that point (I think, anyway). I was not terribly pleased about being in the car for another four.

<side note: We're watching a movie from National Geographic, back in 2008/2009 about possibly cloning a baby wooly mammoth. Awesome.>

Anyway. I had originally planned on getting there somewhere between 5 and 6. Leaving at 2 should have put me there closer to 7. I think I ended up getting there around 7:30, so not too terribly late. It took me a while to find Mike's place, and then it took a while for Ryan to get over there so we could make dinner plans. We headed out around 8:30 to Breakwater Brewery Co. for some pizza and beer. We got some cheesy bread sticks and a chipotle artichoke pesto pizza! There were two guys at the booth next to ours who were leaving and hadn't finished their beer (some sort of honey ale, I think), so they gave us that pitcher, and Ryan ordered a pitcher of something super dark - their beer of the day. I think it was some kind of stout. Wasn't a big fan, but he paid for the beer and Mike paid for the food, so I certainly wasn't going to complain! I am SO thankful that I didn't pay for anything other than my gas for the trip. <3

The three of us after eating. It's not a great picture of me, but it's the only one of the three of us from the night. My face looks super skinny, though!

When we finished up eating, we drove around (in the dark!) along the pier/oceanfront for a little bit and tried to decide what to do. Ryan wanted to drink and no one was opposed to the idea, so we went looking for a little dive bar to hang out in for the evening. The first one we stopped at was a TOTAL bust. You could hear the live band from outside. We got in there and it was tiny, packed, and SO loud. I was trying to talk to Mike and I had to yell. He could barely hear me even when he cupped his hands around his ear and I yelled right into them. It was pretty crazy.

So we ended up at Once More, That's It (I think that's what it's called, anyway) - a pool hall down the street from Mike's house. I texted Blayne once we got there, and told him to come out and join us. I had left my purse in the Jeep, along with everything but my ID, so I went out at one point and got my camera. We played a few racks of pool before Blayne got there - I think Mike won every time, but I came in second at least twice! When Blayne got there, we did at least one other game in teams. I think there might have been two. Mike and I were a team (because I suck, for the most part, and he had been helping me), and Ryan and Blayne were together. I had quite a few drinks (my standard Bombay Sapphire & grapefruit with a splash of cranberry and two limes!), and the details of the night get a little fuzzy after the first game of pool with Blayne.

I did take two pictures with him!
Evidence that I was indeed having a blast.

All the drinks in the back that have straws are mine. Oops!
Apparently my crooked smile becomes even more prominent when I've had a bit to drink. But I adore this picture! And he's still good to look at. No wonder I wanted in his pants in high school.

The rest of the night has escaped my memory, for the most part. Mike and I shared a few kisses, and then I clogged his sink when I got sick. Embarrassing! He said that there might have been a little more that happened, but since I don't remember, there's no point dwelling on it. I woke up with Subie sticking her nose in my face, and headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's to spend some time with them!!

Thankfully Google Maps didn't fail me there. I made it to their place, met their super hyper new kitty, and got to spend some awesome quality time with them. Grandma gave me a beautiful beach-scene quilt, a TON of Avon stuff, and we all went out to lunch at the Elephant Bar. I had heard a lot about them (and get coupons in the mail every once in a while for the one at the Chandler mall), but had never been there. It was really good, and pretty cheap!

Grandpa was being his usual worry-wart self, and kept saying that I should leave in order to avoid traffic, so I finally headed out the door around 3. They packed me a lunch box with a box of Wheat Thins, four cans of Diet Coke, my leftovers from lunch, and some strawberries Grandma had in the fridge. I love them so, so much!!

I hit traffic and almost got into a collision at the 215/15 junction. Some moron thought it would be okay to pull out from his lane of stopped traffic into my lane of moving traffic, right in front of me. But I finally made it home without a hitch! I saw a cat of some kind along the road (alive, moving, walking toward traffic) in the Arizona backwoods somewhere, so I was a paranoid driver the rest of the way home (since my night vision sucks).

When I finally got home, my poor little man was SO upset with me. He hadn't been covered up the night before, and hadn't had any attention all day, so he was alternating between screaming and sulking. The next day, he wouldn't stop following me around. If I left the room, he flew around the house until he found me and landed on my head. It's a good thing he's so sweet!

It's time for me to find something for lunch, so I'm off to go through the grocery ads and maybe make a shopping trip! My poor kitchen is running super low on supplies right now. I haven't gone "real" grocery shopping in over a month.

I started a photo challenge a few days ago, so I'll be back to transfer that here in a bit!

Friday, February 18, 2011

This is my grumpy face.

Kyle called tonight. Twice. Both times were after midnight. We spent a total of 28 minutes on the phone. He said he wants to go to Texas Roadhouse and doesn't have anyone to go with him, so he asked me if I would go to dinner with him this weekend.

Um... what? I'm finally happy doing my own thing and you're offering to take me on our first date in over three months? (I wish I was joking. Three months. That is absurd.) And it's the same weekend that Mike is in town, the same weekend that I'm wanting to spend time with him and his family.

Maybe it is just a dinner date because he wants steak and doesn't have anyone to go with (since Jay & Gloria got married today, and Josh works nights), and I'm reading something into it that isn't there. That would be okay with me. I'm totally fine with guys taking me out to dinner because they're lonely. I get a free meal out of the deal. But I am mildly concerned that I am going to start feeling guilty for the events of last week, and potential events of this weekend, and I'm really not interested in that.

I am single. I have nothing to feel guilty for. I have done nothing wrong. And yes, this is a pep talk.

I had also really wanted to spend time tomorrow with Wade & Teresa. I haven't seen Wade since March 2007, and I haven't seen Teresa since Valentine's Day last year. I think they're leaving on Sunday so if Mike and I are going to be out shooting pool all night on Saturday, that leaves tomorrow for catching up. At the same time, I don't want to intrude on their family time. They aren't down here to spend time with me; they are down here to spend time with her parents.

I'm sleepy. It's almost 1:45. I will definitely update with The Mike Story later, and pictures from my California road trip. I just can't stay awake for much longer. And I think that means class at 7:30 in the morning will be a total bust, too. Good thing the lectures are recorded. I *need* to sit down and watch them all this weekend. We have a test on Monday! Le sigh.

Goodnight, world. <3

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" tidbits

I picked up this book at the library today after hearing a lot about it, and I'm already something like 60 pages in. I thought I would share a few tidbits that really hit home.

  • I've been the girl who not only suffers through an unhealthy, demoralizing relationship but then goes back to it in hopes that time spent apart has inspired him to love me enough to change... or even try. 
  • Unless there are two people putting on the coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn't going to happen. (talking about fixing things)
  • "For the moment, you need to concentrate on what you do know - that you and he no longer share the belief that your relationship has a future." - This one, I thought was interesting, in that I'm not entirely sure that it's true for us. I believe with all my heart that things could get back to where they were a year ago, there would certainly be a future - and a long, happy one at that. I guess I'm not sure where he stands, as I can't remember the last time he opened up and shared his feelings/emotions. For someone who used to talk about how he wished I would talk about my feelings more, and open up more, it's surprising how the roles have changed. 
  • (In response to a letter from a reader) "I think it's great you checked his e-mails instead of talking to him. Sounds like you had a great, open, trusting relationship in which you dug around in his personal business while he cheated on you."
  • You are also breaking free from a relationship that wasn't working. Freedom means no more agonizing, no more drama, and no more time wasted on someone who wasn't appreciative of who you really are. 
  • (Amiira, talking about her marriage) "By not committing to either working on the issues we were having or to NOT working on them, he was keeping me in a kind of relationship purgatory, and I was over it. So I gave him the option - you can choose to work on it or choose to NOT work on it. No hard feelings. I proposed it as a choice because by this point I wasn't angry, I just wanted to know. I needed an answer so that another few years of my life wouldn't be wasted with empty promises. He said he couldn't make a decision right then and asked for some time. I gave him four weeks (which was really quite generous, considering he had already given me the answer - but I was doing the best I could). So four weeks later I asked him again, and he said he still didn't know. (Clearly, he had put about as much thought into this as every other aspect of our relationship.) Well that's an answer, right? Not caring enough to even think about it seems like an answer, doesn't it? If you wanted to be with me, it would cross your mind to think about it. If you wanted to be with me, you'd do whatever it took to make it work. If you wanted to be with me, you'd know. You'd know. 
  • What you need to do above all else is have some distance from the person who is causing your pain. Even if it's the last thing you want, it's the thing you need the most. 
  • Actions speak louder than words, and calling him doesn't say "I'm cool with this whole breakup thing and just wanted to see what was going on because I'm a mature adult" - it says, "I still need your approval and am lost without you." 
  • Even more to the point is that NOT CALLING him eventually sends the bigger message. It speaks volumes and says, "Despite the heartache and loss, the reason you are not hearing from me is that I am too busy taking care of myself and moving on with my fabulous new life." Isn't that the image you want to project and - more important - the person who you want to be? 

And that concludes everything I noted through page 63. 

I also found a few photos today that reminded me of what it felt like to be so in love. I'll just share the image links so I don't clutter up the page. 

I love the way he is looking at me in this one, even though he's doing something silly with his lips.

I love the sweet kissy ones. They remind me of what we used to have.

I look silly, but I think this is a really good photo of him.

I look ridiculous again, but it's a good shot of the two of us.

The end. More tidbits from the book when I get further through it!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I got no sleep last night.

Or it feels like it, anyway. I decided to head to bed around 12:30. At 12:45 / 1ish, I was still laying in bed wide awake and had the uncontrollable urge to go find the notebook full of letters that I wrote to Kyle when he was deployed - the ones I never sent.

So I did. I went through the second bedroom tearing apart all the boxes. Of course with my luck, it wasn't in any of them. I finally found it sitting on the floor under the bag that holds the air mattress. Bizarre.

Anyway, I found it around 1:15ish, I think, and took it back to bed with me. I read them all and decided to write another one at the end. I started it on a new page so I can choose not to include it when I give him the rest of them, if I change my mind. I was up until 4 working on it, so there was a lot of time spent on it. My thoughts may have been a bit jumbled (um, it was 4 AM), and I haven't read over it, so I don't know how it actually sounds.

Anyway, leaving class here in a sec.

To-do for today:

- finish questions for hospital interview
- pick out hospital interview outfit!
- listen to O-Chem lectures and catch up!
- spend 30 minutes in the bedroom picking up.

And I have a Salsa class tonight at 5:30!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Yeah, about that list...

I don't think I got a single thing on there accomplished, except the dishes and laundry. I had Raj out of his house, hanging out with me all day, and wasn't paying as close attention as I probably should have. Right around 2, I noticed he was hanging out on the coffee table and hadn't moved in a while. At first I thought he was sleeping, but his head was in a weird position - one he never sleeps in. I took a closer look, and he had been munching on my O-Chem syllabus and gotten the staple stuck in his tongue/beak. The poor guy had dripped a decent amount of blood (or what I thought was blood) all down the page. I got the staple out and called the exotic animal vet in Mesa, and they suggested he come in. 

So we went in, they weighed him (90 grams), clipped his nails, and it turned out that he had a puncture wound and a laceration on his tongue. The vet and vet tech spooked him when they walked into the room, though, and he ended up flying straight into the window seven times. I started tearing up in the office. My poor baby! 

I walked out with a poor, stunned bird and a $140+ vet bill. That little turd had better know that I love him! That's more than I paid for him + his cage. 

It is the coldest day I have ever experienced in Arizona today. 28 at about 8:30, 35 at about 10, and 38 at 12:15ish. Coming to class this evening, I wore a knee-length pea coat, a scarf, and North Face gloves. All were different colors, so I probably looked really silly. Oh well! I was nice and warm. 

And the worst class of my week is starting. Gotta go!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Skipping class and taking a me-day.

Today is the first day since school started that I have missed class. (I'm not counting O-Chem, since he records and posts his lectures.) I completely spaced my Genetics homework yesterday, so when I woke up this morning, that needed to be done. I ended up skipping Physio to do my Genetics homework, and by the time I was done, I wouldn't be able to get to campus in order to submit it before class started. (I got done right at 10, and class starts at 10:30. I had to drive to campus, park, and walk all the way over to Murdock, then turn it in. No way was that happening.) So, since there is a submit online option, here I am! 10:09 and still at home in my pjs.

I'm definitely ready for a me-day! My poor house needs to be cleaned. The bird pooped on my pants both last night and this morning, so I could probably stand to do another load of laundry (even though I already did one last night... Grrrr!). And if Kyle is coming by in the next few days to empty out the house (okay, okay, take his stuff), I don't want whoever he brings with him to see my messy room! I wish I had a screwdriver so I could take the bed apart and move the guest bed into the main bedroom, though. The bedroom is going to be a pain in the butt to pick up because the closets here are laid out really funky. Too bad Mom bought me those under-the-bed organizers... they won't fit under the cheap-o frame that the guest bed is on so now I get to figure out a way to stash them in the room so they don't look awful. Yeah, good luck with that endeavor.

I let Raj out of his house earlier to hang out with me for a bit... he pooped on my leg and then stepped in it before I knew he's even pooped. I realized it when he was wandering around with an enormous poo clump stuck to his foot. Gross.

So anyway, my to-do list for the day:

- pick up bedroom
- do one load each of dishes and laundry
- finish reading "The Racial Economy of Science" for class tomorrow
- watch at least two O-chem lectures to get caught up!

And then I can relax a little tonight. I have a Bollywood class at 6:15 and go straight into Zumba at 7, so I'm going to be totally beat and ready for bed when I get home!

I also think I'm going to use up the last of that chicken making some chicken piccata. Yum, yum!

Now I'm off to be productive!