Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" tidbits

I picked up this book at the library today after hearing a lot about it, and I'm already something like 60 pages in. I thought I would share a few tidbits that really hit home.

  • I've been the girl who not only suffers through an unhealthy, demoralizing relationship but then goes back to it in hopes that time spent apart has inspired him to love me enough to change... or even try. 
  • Unless there are two people putting on the coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn't going to happen. (talking about fixing things)
  • "For the moment, you need to concentrate on what you do know - that you and he no longer share the belief that your relationship has a future." - This one, I thought was interesting, in that I'm not entirely sure that it's true for us. I believe with all my heart that things could get back to where they were a year ago, there would certainly be a future - and a long, happy one at that. I guess I'm not sure where he stands, as I can't remember the last time he opened up and shared his feelings/emotions. For someone who used to talk about how he wished I would talk about my feelings more, and open up more, it's surprising how the roles have changed. 
  • (In response to a letter from a reader) "I think it's great you checked his e-mails instead of talking to him. Sounds like you had a great, open, trusting relationship in which you dug around in his personal business while he cheated on you."
  • You are also breaking free from a relationship that wasn't working. Freedom means no more agonizing, no more drama, and no more time wasted on someone who wasn't appreciative of who you really are. 
  • (Amiira, talking about her marriage) "By not committing to either working on the issues we were having or to NOT working on them, he was keeping me in a kind of relationship purgatory, and I was over it. So I gave him the option - you can choose to work on it or choose to NOT work on it. No hard feelings. I proposed it as a choice because by this point I wasn't angry, I just wanted to know. I needed an answer so that another few years of my life wouldn't be wasted with empty promises. He said he couldn't make a decision right then and asked for some time. I gave him four weeks (which was really quite generous, considering he had already given me the answer - but I was doing the best I could). So four weeks later I asked him again, and he said he still didn't know. (Clearly, he had put about as much thought into this as every other aspect of our relationship.) Well that's an answer, right? Not caring enough to even think about it seems like an answer, doesn't it? If you wanted to be with me, it would cross your mind to think about it. If you wanted to be with me, you'd do whatever it took to make it work. If you wanted to be with me, you'd know. You'd know. 
  • What you need to do above all else is have some distance from the person who is causing your pain. Even if it's the last thing you want, it's the thing you need the most. 
  • Actions speak louder than words, and calling him doesn't say "I'm cool with this whole breakup thing and just wanted to see what was going on because I'm a mature adult" - it says, "I still need your approval and am lost without you." 
  • Even more to the point is that NOT CALLING him eventually sends the bigger message. It speaks volumes and says, "Despite the heartache and loss, the reason you are not hearing from me is that I am too busy taking care of myself and moving on with my fabulous new life." Isn't that the image you want to project and - more important - the person who you want to be? 

And that concludes everything I noted through page 63. 

I also found a few photos today that reminded me of what it felt like to be so in love. I'll just share the image links so I don't clutter up the page. 

I love the way he is looking at me in this one, even though he's doing something silly with his lips. http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd219/marinephoto/Us/IMG_5502.jpg

I love the sweet kissy ones. They remind me of what we used to have. http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd219/marinephoto/Us/IMG_5552.jpg

I look silly, but I think this is a really good photo of him. http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd219/marinephoto/Us/IMG_5271.jpg

I look ridiculous again, but it's a good shot of the two of us. http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd219/marinephoto/Us/IMG_5295.jpg

The end. More tidbits from the book when I get further through it!

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