Sunday, November 25, 2012

An update in the romance department

It's probably been a little obvious lately that things aren't fine and dandy. You know all those frustrations and fears I voiced before Kyle's brother moved in? Well apparently they weren't ill-founded. Chris even said he had a sit-down chat with Kyle and told him they never would have moved down here if they had known sooner that we were dating again, and essentially put Chris's decision on whether to accept the job offer overseas in Kyle's hands after that conversation. Awkward.

Things were mostly okay until two weeks ago, when I voiced frustrations that seeing Kyle once every ten days wasn't a relationship and wasn't fair to me. I went over to walk Yogi bear, since I had finished up with a tutoring client right down the road, and Kyle had a ridiculous emotional outburst.

Snuggling on the couch. Too adorable!
Now he is embarrassed of his behavior (as well he should be), says I caused all this drama, and he wants to be done so he can put it behind him. It's even more frustrating to me because he's failing to accept responsibility, and because he's so proud that he can't stand his brother (who witnessed The Outburst) knowing how unacceptable his behavior sometimes is.

It hasn't totally set in that we're doing anything other than arguing right now. In fact, I've probably talked to him more in the last two weeks than I have in the rest of the time his brother has been here. We had a three-hour phone conversation after Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday he denied saying most of the things he did, or blamed it on being 3AM, but it was still three hours, and meaningful, and I learned he had been struggling with some things that I wish he would have voiced earlier.

Of everyone I've dated, he has been the one to make me feel like shouting from a mountaintop. He possesses the three most important qualities I want in a man. And from the first day we slipped between the sheets, things have just been easy. I feel like, in many ways but perhaps that one in particular, we were made for each other.

I love those eyes. 
I'm frustrated and want to talk things through, but he won't set his pride aside long enough to agree to a chat - at least not right now. So I'm missing my boys and hoping he'll come to his senses some time soon. I'm spending my time working on me. I know I haven't been blameless, and still have a lot to learn - particularly in the communication department. I'm working on my goals, deep-cleaning my house (something that hasn't been done in way too long!), and looking out for me.

And I'm missing waking up next to this face. And going to bed with this face. And opening the door to kisses from this face.

This picture was taken the day we were supposed to get married. We hadn't seen each other in five months, and I called to have dinner with him. The way he looked at me, after that much time apart, melted my heart. I wish we could just fix our individual communication issues and tendency toward emotion, because we are so good together.

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