Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Five Basic Needs

Years ago, I subscribed to a few relationship newsletters. Most of them I ignore now, since I haven't unsubscribed, but a few of them I do open up and read. A lot of them are trying to get you to buy their book, or their system, or check out something new and exciting. But occasionally, I'll find a diamond in the rough.

Today was one of them. The subject of the email was "5 reasons why I hate my wife." Certainly got my attention. It opened with a letter from a man talking about how upset he was because his wife wasn't meeting five particular needs, and then went a little more in depth about those particular needs and how they're the five most important for a man.

According to the email, they are:

  1. Words of affirmation and praise
  2. A sense of being respected
  3. The feeling that he is being listened to and heard
  4. Physical touch (affection rather than sex)
  5. Intimacy and bonding

I was intrigued. I would say respect and being listened to are two of the most important things to me. I've always felt like I reason more like a man. I never used to think with emotions. Part of it was my upbringing, but I've always been super logical. Tests aren't hard - I either know the material or I don't. I'm not a big worrier and never have been. Things changed a few years ago when the dynamic in my relationship changed, and I started becoming a little more emotionally charged. Even so, I still feel like this list applies to me whole-heartedly. 

If I don't feel respected, it breaks the bond of friendship for me. It's impossible for me to maintain any relationship if there's not respect in the room. If I am not being listened to, I start to act like a crazy person. I act out in order to bring attention to those things that have been bothering me. I crave intimacy - not just the between-the-sheets kind, though there's really no substitute for that, but the raw sharing of feelings and dreams that strengthens that bond. Physical touch and words of affirmation are like icing on the cake for me. I love and need to feel adored every once in a while, but without that deep friendship and respect, I don't feel flowery words are meaningful. 

I don't think this is too far off from the list of five most women would compile. What do you think, ladies? What are your most important needs to have met in a relationship? 

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