Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My love language

I know a lot of the ladies in the 101 challenge chose to discover their love language as one of their goals.

I have the book, and received it as a high school graduation gift from Dan - the old counseling pastor at the church that we saw as a family when I moved out of the house my senior year. My love language has always been Quality Time, but I wasn't sure where the rest of them ranked, or how things had changed, so I thought I'd take it again today.

My results from the Singles version:

8Words of Affirmation
11Quality Time
2Receiving Gifts
7Acts of Service
2Physical Touch

No surprise, Quality Time is still my #1. 

I also took the assessment for Wives, to see if there would be a difference, and I was VERY surprised by the results. 

6Words of Affirmation
8Quality Time
4Receiving Gifts
6Acts of Service
6Physical Touch

Quality time is still number one, but the rest of the results are very different, which I thought was interesting. 

There is also one for language of apologies, which I thought was VERY interesting. 

7Expressing Regret
2Accepting Responsibility
5Making Restitution
6Genuinely Repenting
0Requesting Apology

I appreciate an immediate apology, but I also want to be given time rather than asked "Can you please forgive me" right away. 

The definition of expressing regret:
“Expressing Regret” is the Apology Language that zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. For those who listen for “Expressing Regret” apologies, a simple “I’m sorry” is all they look for. There is no need for explanation or “pay back” provided the apology has truly come from the heart. “Expressing Regret” is a powerful Apology Language because it gets right to the point. It doesn’t make excuses or attempt to deflect blame. Above all, “Expressing Regret” takes ownership of the wrong. For that reason, “Expressing Regret” is understood as a sincere commitment to repair and rebuild the relationship. The “Expressing Regret” Apology Language speaks most clearly when the person offering the apology reflects sincerity not only verbally, but also through body language. Unflinching eye contact and a gentle, but firm touch are two ways that body language can underscore sincerity.
I thought this was very interesting - particularly the bolded. I have tried to tell Kyle countless times that's the reason I couldn't accept that lame "apology" from Zak last year. The definition of genuinely repenting is much longer, but that's the one that I haven't gotten in my relationship with Kyle. I hardly ever feel that his apologies are sincere, because there is no behavior change.

Anyway, just thought that was interesting. I'm going to go back to picking up the house now! I need to find these stupid shot records so I can get down to Occupational Health tomorrow and get my TB test.

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