Monday, March 19, 2012

How did you know?

I know at the beginning of this month I said I was having a small crisis. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Well, no surprise, I haven't figured it out in the last 19 days. In fact, instead of deciding to take a break and head to the east coast for a bit, now I'm thinking of leaving the continent. Yikes.

I've been thinking a lot more about what I want to do in life. What I enjoy doing. My passions. I've tossed around the idea of going to culinary school. I've thought about taking anthropology classes and perhaps getting a degree in culinary anthropology. (All of this without having actually updated my food blog in over a month.) I've thought about being a Bikram instructor. I've thought about cutting my calorie intake to 200 per day, somehow growing 3 more inches, and trying to break into the bigger modeling scene. I've thought about being a high school math teacher, or history teacher. Perhaps staying with my current company and being a wine manager. Doing medical research. Being a sommelier. Becoming more confident in my language skills and being a translator.

I've contemplated nearly-unrealistic things. Being a signed country artist. Opera (now that I'm a mezzo, I don't have to worry about being labeled a high-drama soprano!). Being a vintner. Writing a cookbook.

I've thought about interim jobs. Being a tour guide in whatever European city I choose to live in. Offering my editing services to various organizations - everything from Total Wine (their Guide to Wine could certainly use some help) to the city of Florence and their tourism division (all their English language publications are awful). Taking some time to travel around the US and getting modeling jobs where ever I can. Being a tour guide at Auschwitz, since their guides mostly suck. Or being a tour guide at any number of other places in Europe, where English-speaking guides are a hot commodity.

I'm going to be 24 in a few short months. Most people, if they have gone the college route, are long gone by my age. Instead, I'm finishing up year 7 right now and still have absolutely no clue what I want to pursue.

Am I supposed to be waiting for some ah-ha! moment? Did you all just "know" what you wanted to do? Surely I'm not the only one who feels so lost.

Dad included a note in the box my parents sent last week. It said something along the lines of how I need to email him an update on school, because "inquiring minds need to know." I've avoided it because I don't know what to say. What? - "Oh hi, Dad. I've decided I have wasted my money for the last seven years so I'm just going to drop out of school and try to figure out life on my own. Oh, and I'm thinking of moving to Europe. Don't worry that to get an apartment in Germany, the up-front cost is usually 4000-5000 Euros; I'll be fine?" Somehow I don't see that going over well.

My life is one big facepalm right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment