It's like a mid-life crisis, but worse. It's a throw-my-hands-up-in-the-air-and-give-up moment.
I don't know what I want to do with my life. I thought Math was the way to go. Finally, something that interested me and that I could potentially enjoy pursuing a degree in. Nope. I was wrong. I'm in the middle of my second semester, and I've lost all ambition. To the point where registration has already opened for next semester and not only have I not registered, but I'm not sure that I want to. At least not full-time.
I'm sick of school. I'm sick of being taught things that don't have a practical application. I'm sick of university politics. I'm sick of being told I need to hurry up and finish. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a huge disappointment because I'm finishing up seven years of school and don't have a degree. I'm sick of the implications that I will hate whatever job I choose if I'm not making six figures right out of the gate, because I can't possibly be happy with less than that.
I want to work on my business, and see where it takes me. I want to model for a while - enough to pay the bills - and see what I think. I want to do whatever the fuck I want to do, and not feel like I have to conform to anyone else's idea of what I should or should not be doing.
I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I know it's not getting more in debt (when I already have about $80K in student loans under my belt; thanks) while I'm not enjoying myself. Shit.
I think my grandma was right. The reason it's taken me so damn long to finish school is because I don't know that I even want to be there. I have stayed because I was told I need to. Because I knew I should. Because that's what society tells you to do if you want to be successful. Not because I want to.