Tuesday, November 1, 2011

So discouraged.

Today has been amazing, and I *should* be on cloud nine right now.

I ran about 2.5 miles earlier. While I was on the treadmill, I got a text message from Super Attractive Man. I gave him my number as he was leaving work yesterday, so he wanted to make sure I had mine, and he invited me out with some other people for lunch and drinks tomorrow.

Great, right? I was super happy earlier. I went into whirlwind mode, cleaned the living room - vacuumed everything, cleaned off the end table, went through all kinds of papers. Made decent progress on the house.

Then I decided it might be a good idea to figure out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I put on a jean skirt with a short-sleeved sweater, and thought I looked fat. My legs don't look awesome, either.

So I put on my shorter skirt, just to try it on, as a maybe for this weekend. Fits. Barely. Still not happy with my legs.

Then I tried on jeans. Maybe I don't want to show off my legs tomorrow - especially since there's not much to show off. I have two pairs of jeans that I've tried on that I can button and don't look hideous. Still, they're not super flattering and not what I want to wear.

So I went through my entire stack of jeans looking for my 27s and 5s. I have two pairs left to try on and hope they'll look better. One of them desperately needs to be hemmed... like several inches, hemmed. I had to pin them when I wore heels. So those are probably out even if they fit.

And to top everything off, I went to take a drink of water from my favorite water bottle, and there's a dead fruit fly floating in it. Awesome.

I just feel so defeated. I haven't eaten sweets since the last of the 7-layer bars were gone, other than the 90 calorie pudding things I have. (And even then, I might have had three in the last week. I'm pretty sure that's an overestimate.) For lunch today, I had two zucchini, a yellow squash, and an orange pepper cut up, sauteed, and served with balsamic vinegar. That's it. I'm not eating food that should make me gain weight, and yet I've still gained 35+ lbs. since February. I know a lot of it is from Europe, but I got home more than two months ago.

Defeated. Discouraged. Frustrated.

I burned about 200 calories in the gym earlier. I've probably burned another 200 with my little house dance party today. I'd still have to burn another 3100 calories in order to lose just ONE pound between now and Saturday. Yeah, not going to happen. And one pound isn't going to do much when it comes to fitting back in my pants, anyway.

To top everything off, both bikes in the gym are broken so running or the elliptical are my only options. And when I was rummaging through the fridge earlier, I dropped a container of grape tomatoes and one of them ended up under the fridge, I think. So I'll have to move the damn fridge in order to get it. It's not a problem, it's just a huge pain. I guess it won't hurt to clean behind the fridge, but I'm still irritated that I was so careless.

I have two loaves of bread in the fridge that are fine, but that I won't eat, so I think maybe if I get out of lab a little early tomorrow, I'll take them and walk all the way down to Kiwanis, walk around the lake and toss the bread to the ducks, and then walk the long way home (up to Baseline, over to Kyrene, and back down).  That's a little longer than I walked today, and it will give me some fresh air and an emptier fridge at the same time.

So I guess I'll be going to get some new jeans in the next few days. I think I'll check out the selection at Old Navy. They're having a sale right now and I hope to God I won't be in these pants for long, so I don't want to fork out too much for them.

I have some German homework to do, so I suppose I should get on that. Ciao!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Lovely,

    I wanted to share some thoughts with you on the diet front. From what I have experienced, when you are trying to lose weight, it is more helpful to eat more, sometimes, than to focus on eating so little that you're starving your body. That might cause your body to react in the opposite way and cause you not to lose weight. I also caution such things when you're working out a lot because you might achieve the same result. Another heavy weight issue for me is simply being lonely or depressed. I know I eat when I'm bored, which you don't do but have you noticed a pattern of weight gain or loss when you are feeling happy or sad? It might be helpful, if you notice a pattern, to work on what might be affecting your emotions and getting those under control might help control the weight issue you're having as well. All this being said, at the end of the day, remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful, amazing person and no matter what size you are, that's never going to change. You will still be wonderful!!

    I can't wait to hear how things went today with Super Attractive Guy. I'm sure he thinks you're as wonderful as I do and clearly doesn't care that you might be a few pounds heavier right now because he's asking you out and appreciating the beautiful person you are. I think being super skinny is entirely over rated. This coming from your size 8 bff!

    Moral of that story is, don't worry so much my love and maybe, if you are happier emotionally, the weight might start to wander off in greater quantities. Something to think about if nothing else.