Thursday, October 20, 2011

Can't sleep.

I'm sure I probably could if I actually headed to bed, but for some reason I can't actually motivate myself to do that right now. So here I am instead.

I feel like I'm going through some sort of ridiculous crisis. And by that, I mean I have found myself craving a new tattoo out of nowhere. Or a piercing. Or a trip. And the hilarious alternative - a cigarette. Yes, apparently that is in the same league as inking myself. At least in my head right now, anyway.

My house is such a mess right now. I feel like my life is a mess right now, too. And to keep me feeling overwhelmed, I have a test pop up every once in a while. Like this super awesome P-Chem test tomorrow afternoon. Spectacular, right? I would love just one week where I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. This upcoming weekend was supposed to be spent in Tulsa, but Andy is working so it wouldn't make sense to fly me out there. That probably would have been the perfect little getaway. Oh well.

I had 30 things on my to-do list this week. It's Thursday, and I've completed 8 1/2 of them. That's ridiculous. I don't even know what I'm doing with my time that I have so little left to work on my to-do list.

I'm just so discouraged, I guess. I want it to be this summer again. I want to be in Europe, completely carefree. I feel like I'm never going to be an "adult." And I feel like, even if I was out in the real world, I would hardly know what to do with myself. I'm so tired of having my entire life revolve around school, but I don't know anything else.

I'm not even accomplishing much on my 101 list. I have donated a ton of rice this month, yes, but so many of the goals require either time or money - neither of which I have a whole lot of right now. And yes, writing that down did just motivate me to do something about that, since that's exactly the line I've used. But that doesn't make things any less frustrating right now. And even that venture is frustrating sometimes. I know it's my own fault, numbers and all that, but it's hard not to get discouraged sometimes. One of my goals was to make five phone calls this week, and I still plan on it. I think I'll carve out some time tomorrow evening after I get home from my test.

I was daydreaming earlier today, and I dreamt that I went "camping" with Josh & Miranda at the same spot a group of us went in January, and that I had an awesome, huge silver truck. Guess what won't be happening any time soon. And that's almost frustrating, too. Not that I won't have a gas-guzzler, but that I have three friends here that I would call up to go camping. And two of them probably wouldn't do it to avoid the drama that would probably ensue.

I need a shower, and then some sleep. Pouting never does me any good. Ciao!

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